you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
