he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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