you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
