I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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