That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
