i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
