also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
