i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
