I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hell yes lets make some ravioli
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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