even my farts smell like vagina
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize