Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She's just so happy...and so naked.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
