The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
