Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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