Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
