As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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