His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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