I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
