I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
