Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
