Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
