It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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