you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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