Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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