Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think my fart just growled at me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
