Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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