When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
