Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
