no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
