He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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