This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
