why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
