then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
