I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
