literally had 100 drinks last night.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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