i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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