I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
