Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
are you so shy because you have an std?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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