if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
