Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
