No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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