Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
