i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
