the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
tequila makes me forget i have legs
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
