Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
