so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
