some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My penis needs a shock collar
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
