You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
