My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
ttyl tear gas
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
