My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
