I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
