sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
