so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
